I know that I haven’t been updating. I’ve kind of fallen into this funk where it’s extremely hard to think and write. I know it’s a side effect of being on anti-depressants. It’s hard because I know my medication needs an adjustment but since I can’t actually find an office to take me, I’m kind of stuck with where I’m at. I’ve continued to take the CBD oil and it is helping a lot.
I’m kind of conflicted when it comes to what to write about here. I have a lot to say and a lot of things that I can write from my experience but I don’t want this to become too much about one topic. But then again, this is my personal blog, so I guess I could write about anything I want. I hope you all don’t mind if I do that.
WP had an idea to improve our story, which meant starting from the beginning again. Which is fine, except I’m having issues when it comes to writing. WP says to take my time and to just see it then write it. I don’t think WP understands that I can’t actually visual things while I’m on the medication. My mind is pretty much blank all the time.
The medication is also killing any progress I made at my job. I just keep getting called in for “training” purposes and being reprimanded. Although some of it is definitely not me, but whatever at this point. I spent October in a fog, November having panic attacks, and now I’m okay but all the mishaps just make me want to find a good job that I am able to do (writing, administrative, receptionist – I’m wicked awesome at researching topics and events and people) and that pays enough so that I don’t have to rely on just Medicare for health insurance. It would be great if I could work from home on my own schedule, just having to work so many hours or being able to contract and bill. I just no longer feel confident that I’m able to do my job. And that sucks. My supervisor asked what was going on so I told her the truth, but I also told her that I feel like the truth is just a bunch of excuses.
I don’t even want to talk about the continuing effects from the TBI from almost two years ago.
Everything just seems bleak right now and I feel useless. I’m hoping things start to look up with the new year.
M is for Mo 