STAY HOME PEOPLE

I am considered high risk.

Not only do I diabetes, a liver condition, and now what looks like chronic asthma, but I can’t get into the doctor’s office right now because all non emergency appointments are canceled. I can’t breathe without using the inhaler given to me at least three times a day. I should stay at home. But I don’t have an income as of right now. And there is no saying when I’ll have one.

I don’t have any real material written up yet. And I don’t have a real base yet of readers, so I don’t feel like I have much to offer right now in trying to make money from written content. Because of this I’ve been doing some grocery delivery for money.

PEOPLE

STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK.

AND WASH YOUR PRODUCE.

I’ve seen sick people coughing all over your cucumbers. One lady came up behind me coughing and damn near coughed on me! She was definitely coughing all over the produce she was looking at.

STAY HOME.

Get your groceries delivered. Call someone to bring them to you. Healthy people, offer to get your neighbors their groceries. So that if they are sick they can stay home and not make other people sick.

My body hates me

As of today, I haven’t worked more than a few days a week in about a month. This means that I also haven’t gotten a full paycheck in about a month. Being single and without support, this is scary. I have an appointment to see if I can get emergency food stamps but I’m afraid they’re going to say no. Also they won’t be able to cover things like the OTC allergy meds I need, or the insulin that I’m buying OTC at Walmart because I’m having issues finding a new Endocrinologist and I’m out of Lantus. Which my Medicare will cover most of if I can get a script called in.

My symptoms started with nausea. I got hit like it was a brick wall while trying to work over time on a Saturday morning. I also had a real bad headache. This continued with the nausea for days. It was then coupled with some gut pain. I ended up going to urgent care and my doctor every few days for two weeks. In that time I also received 3 fluid treatments.

I spend most of my time tired. If I drive the hour to work I find I’m sick before I get there. My intestines are either blocked or not moving. The doctors aren’t really sure. I don’t have a gastro appointment until the end of March. The problem also is that even though I’m in the same hospital system I see so many people I don’t really know what’s what.

And my brain injury makes it worse.

So it’s been fun times. I’ll post more about what’s going on later. I’m getting tired and I can only do screens a little at a time right now.

It’s snowing… and I’m not that excited

It’s almost 3 am and I just woke up. Mostly because I feel asleep sometime around 6 pm. But now I’m wide awake and it’s snowing out, and I have to drive almost 40 miles to work in a few hours. I’m not looking forward to this. I am, however, looking forward to being in the office. I do miss my coworkers. I wouldn’t mind having a set up where I work from home some days and other days worked from the office. That would be an idea set up.

I’m very anxious to be driving in the snow. It already takes me almost an hour to get to work on a good day. And I’m not sure how long this will take me today. I really don’t want to attempt it but I do need to get to the office. I just hope that I make it okay. I’m also not really looking forward to coming home tonight or having to go back tomorrow morning. I’m hoping it won’t be so bad.

Anyway, I promise cat updates soon. I think I have it just about finished but want to add in some photos for everyone.

This, That, and Other Things

I think I’ve missed a few weeks in updating. I’m sorry.

Things that are stressing me out right now:

– The fact that I may not be able to work my job

-The brakes in my car are not working right so I can’t drive.

-The car needs more repairs and I can’t afford them

-Money

-My health

-Food

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My car is not safe to drive, and my job is an hour drive away. So that is a problem. My boss is super amazing and was able to put together a way for me to work from home. Kind of a save up money and get that car fixed when you can sort of thing. But then I get a letter from HR and a contract. They contract me to two weeks. Yay. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the end of this next week. There is no way my car will be safe to drive by then.

So.

Yeah.

I’m freaking out.

The car just needs to have the brakes figured out, new tires, and a new lower control arm. I just don’t have the funds for it. At all.

I don’t know how to make up $600 in a week.

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My health is just as bad right now. I’m in pain 24/7. But because I don’t have a working car right now, and my work schedule, I can’t get to the doctors I need to see to correct the problem. The best I can do is a Saturday appointment but I need to have a way to get to the appointment. And the next available one is like three weeks away.

—

The whole food thing is stressing me out, not so much due to lack of it, but more of not having enough energy to do what I want with it. I’m so tired even working from home that I just can’t do anything.

This also includes cleaning and trying to find rides so I can run errands. I don’t have the $30 a trip one way to go to the grocery store and I only really have cash for spending so getting things delivered is out of the question. And walking is kind of out of the question. My body barely allows me to go up and down the stairs on a good day.

I’m looking for some more vegetarian ideas to make as well. I want food that feels good after it’s eaten. And that has a lot of nutrition.

—

I feel like I’m just running in circles. I know I need to relax a little but it feels like it never stops. And I just want to sleep.

Anyway…. That’s all for now. I’ll write a kitten update soon.

Burnout

So I made myself sick trying to make some extra money by working overtime the last few weeks. And it feels horrible that I can’t help make my situation better by working more to solve my problem. As of right now I’m about $300 short every month in my budget. And it comes down to it being the money budgeted for gas to get to work, tolls, and food/groceries. None of my bills are negotiable because I had to set up all the payment plans while doing my interview for security clearance for my job.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep myself awake. I’m in horrible pain as well. A muscle issue that I have where my muscles cramp and hold the cramps for up to 30 minutes was triggered by the exhaustion and its been rough. I did go to the doctor for that and they, as usual suggested my magnesium and sodium might be low, but as usual the blood work came back normal. I’ve also had this sinus infection from the air conditioning at work since I started there. So my body is on overdrive at the moment.

I also got hit with the seasonal depression like a ton of bricks. I still don’t have access to antidepressants and not having a therapist or someone that I can talk to makes it worse. But the new kitten is making it at least so that I can get out of bed in the morning. Both cats are doing well right now.

I’m trying to figure out what I want to cook for the kids and myself for the week, but I just can’t even summon the drive to make meals for myself. I’ve eaten once in the past 48 hrs. So I don’t know. My girlie did ask for fudge, and I think that would be fun to make so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. It might be a nice fall thing to do.

I will probably see if I can get a deal on tomatoes somewhere. There was a request for more sauce and well, that is something I like making so, more sauce.

Insomnia ramblings

Well. It’s not exactly insomnia. I ended up sleeping most of the day so now I’m paying for that.

I tried to work some overtime today but my body would not stop hurting so I came back home and just slept it off. I wish I could find a good job like the one I have but have it either be closer to where I live or a work from home sort of deal. I’m not really doing good with the commute.

I have made some progress on the Village story I’m writing. Started on Part Two. I wish I had some more time to work on it. But writing feels so… it feels like I’m just going through the motions. Almost everything is feeling that way. I’m in the midst of a mental health episode that’s like wicked bad but it’s not really hurting anyone so I guess I’m okay with what’s going on.

Miss Murder Kitty is still pissed about the kitten. She’s peed on my bed again. I’ve given up on the bed and probably will just have to go without one. It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Miss Murder Kitty after she peed on my bed again.

Today I’m planning on making a pork loin in the slow cooker for me and the kids. I’m going to try to see if I can get some meat for stew as well. I only have like $10 left for the week so we’ll see.

I want to make a few other things as well but my brain is firmly set on clean mode which lets me know I’m having a manic episode. Which. Well. It’s fine. I’ll deal with it. I think I need to look into how much a cleaning person would cost. It would probably be good for me to be able to relax. I need to relax.

New Kitty and Lots of Laundry…

It’s Sunday again!

This week was busy with me working extra hours again at work. I think I need to find something to do on the side on the weekends so that I don’t have to do extra hours. It just really really tires me out. Something that I can do from home or something because I just don’t think I have the energy to go out and work a second job when I can barely do the first one.

Anyway, this week I brought home a new kitty. Miss Murder Kitty is not happy about this development and has let me know so by peeing on the bed – while I was laying in it. She’ll get over herself eventually. I hope. But I’m also so amused by how dramatic she is being. The kitten is a good boy though. He’s pressing his boundaries with her a little, but he is giving her space and is pretty much ignoring her. The dramatics are very much one sided.

Because Murder Kitty peed the bed, I had to do laundry. It took about three hours, but I managed to do the huge backlog of laundry I’d been putting off doing. I finished the five load but now have to fold and put away everything.

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Yesterday my daughter and I went grocery shopping together. She got her own groceries but also we picked out a few things for me to make for prep meals. I’ve currently got meatballs in the slow cooker with grape jelly, ketchup, and bbq sauce. I’m going to make rice to go with it and that will be dinner.

She helped me prep my lunches for this week. I have little cups made that have salami and ham in them. I bought some string cheese to go with those. There is yogurt. Crackers. Also mini packs of cookies and chocolates. Mostly healthy. Mostly nutritious. Will make the day easier by having snacks handy. Right now I end the day by eating a few Sour Patch Kids to keep up my blood sugars before I drive home. Not the best.

—

I’ve only managed to write half a page this week. I know that I need to be easy on myself with this process but I wish I had more time to write. I was gone for over 14 hours a day this week and it just made for no time to do anything. I’m so tired. I’m hoping to get a little more written today but I’m not sure.

Well, that’s my update for now. Maybe will post some kitten pics later. I posted a few on my instagram. You can find me under @M_is_for_Mo.

What’s on the Agenda for this week?

For the sake of getting back into a groove, here is what my week looks like this week:

Day job work:

This week I’m working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Doesn’t look bad, a nice short week for me. I took Thursday off to hang out with my girlie as it will be a rough day for her. And I totally forgot that I get most holidays off now. With pay!

Writing Goals:

One more blog post written.
Two pages in my Village story.
Possibly take a look at Lacey’s story again.

This weeks menu:

Roasted veggies with
- kielbasa
- chicken
- pasta?
Leftover frozen pizza
Spam sandwiches
For snacks
- chips and homemade dip
- pretzel crips
- yogurt

I do need to figure out a way to get in some light exercising, but I do a lot of cleaning so I think that counts. I’m leaning towards going to a more veggie based diet, which will be interesting because it seems my muscles twitch more when I eat less beef. I may have to make an exception there. The problem is that I’m allergic to nuts so I’m not sure how else to get protein. I’m open to ideas.

So I hope to have one more post up this week but honestly, trying to get things done is a struggle for me right now. I’ll hopefully have something new up soon!

Lots and lots and lots of stuff and things

I failed to keep up with regular updates again and I apologize. I really do wonder if my inability to follow through is linked to the bipolar and the TBI. I wish I had a doctor that I could ask about that but every time I try to get some answers the doctors are quick to push my concerns aside.

Anyway.

So I got a new job. I’m no longer in retail. The job does require a lot of training, and then I’ll be working as a Student Loan Associate. Basically I’ll counsel borrowers and help bring accounts current, but I’m not a debt collector. My commute is now an hour long, each way, but I think I’ll adjust to it quickly. I’m super excited to no longer be working late nights.

This job also means I’ll have a secondary insurance, so I’m hoping to get some mental health care finally. Also it should mean that I’m able to get ALL the medical care I need with minimal out of pocket costs.

Oh and the pay. It’s only about 70 cents more than I was making before BUT it’s a guaranteed 40 hour work week. Plus possibility of over time. Which is HUGE. Also I get paid holidays. I have today off to celebrate the Fourth Of July but I have nothing to do because all my friends are still working, and I don’t have any other friends really.

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Writing’s been slow and I’m trying to get back in the swing of doing it. Even with all this good news going on, I’ve been not well. WP thinks that there is a real good chance that I’m in a depressed episode. All I want to do is sleep. Or stare at walls. I’m so tired all the time. I just want to do something fun with people but I don’t even know what I want to do, so it’s pointless to ask anyone if they want to go do something.

I may have been slightly triggered by an event that affected my sister and her husband, but it’s not about me, and I’m trying to take that trigger and focus the energy elsewhere. She’s going to read this so I’m not saying what I’m doing! Ha!! They did also just buy a house so she’s going to get a double surprise!! Don’t worry Sis! I’m not coming down. Yet.

But the writing is harder to do lately, it feels like when I was on psych medication. I can’t think and it’s making me super antsy. I think I just need to go out and do things. My therapist used to tell me to make plans with friends. I’d always laugh at him when he suggested that.

I’ve kind of abandoned the serial I was writing, I’ve found something I like more until I hit the wall. Possibly will have more of one of them soon. I’m hoping at least.

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I’ve been cooking up a storm so I’ll share some of what I’ve made in some posts later. I’ll have to remember to set them up.

I hope you all have a great day celebrating! I’ll talk to you all soon.

It’s been a while….

It’s been a while since I posted. My day job got real busy and I did two weeks of working overnight doing a tool reset in the store. That kind of threw me off since I do most of my work here in the evenings.

I kind of stalled on Lacey’s story. I’m not sure where to go with it, my direction was clearly not going to work by the time I started to write the third installment. I’m not sure what to do about that.

On the other hand, I’ve been working nonstop on another idea. It’s coming together rather nicely I think.

I also started an Instagram account. It’s mostly just the food I eat/make, and my cat. If you’re interested, it’s @m_is_for_mo.

I will hopefully be updating again soon!