STAY HOME PEOPLE

I am considered high risk.

Not only do I diabetes, a liver condition, and now what looks like chronic asthma, but I can’t get into the doctor’s office right now because all non emergency appointments are canceled. I can’t breathe without using the inhaler given to me at least three times a day. I should stay at home. But I don’t have an income as of right now. And there is no saying when I’ll have one.

I don’t have any real material written up yet. And I don’t have a real base yet of readers, so I don’t feel like I have much to offer right now in trying to make money from written content. Because of this I’ve been doing some grocery delivery for money.

PEOPLE

STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK.

AND WASH YOUR PRODUCE.

I’ve seen sick people coughing all over your cucumbers. One lady came up behind me coughing and damn near coughed on me! She was definitely coughing all over the produce she was looking at.

STAY HOME.

Get your groceries delivered. Call someone to bring them to you. Healthy people, offer to get your neighbors their groceries. So that if they are sick they can stay home and not make other people sick.

How’s everyone doing?

Just as a quick update: my X-ray came back clear. My lungs still hurt real bad when I breath and my throat feels like it’s being stabbed when I talk. But it could be worse right?

I just wanted to check in with all of you who are following me. I hope you are all in good health and are taking care of yourselves so that you all stay healthy! Or at least your best version of healthy for all of you who are like me and have chronic health problems.

I’m doing okay. I’m sort of panicking as there still will be no income for a few more weeks but I’m trying to stay positive. I do want to let you all know that because of this, I’m going to try to ramp up my content for a little bit. Also, I have added a link to my Ko-fi page. It’s located on the right side of the screen under the Links! section. If you like what I post, and are able to do so, feel free to buy me a coffee.

What am I going to be doing more of?

-Writing

– Video blogging

-Photos on Instagram

I’ll be updating again soon! I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

Update on Throat and Lungs…

I went to the doctor’s today. I was lucky enough to be given an appointment with my actual doctor today so that was nice. She did talk to me first about getting my A1C’s down and to try to lower my blood sugars as she feels this is help me feel better and lower the chance of complications of everything that is going on. She says I should limit my carb intake. I tried to explain that most of my food comes from a food pantry right now, and it’s hard because everything that isn’t a meat or veg that is offered has a grain. And it’s for my household, so I can’t really say no to bread and pasta when my household eats it. I take as much veg and protein that they offer me, but it varies with visits. Plus I’m allergic to nuts and eggs. Hopefully I’ll be able to afford to get groceries soon so I can get more veg, fruit, and protein as it looks like that is what I need to be eating more of.

She then asked about what was going on with my throat and lungs. So I explained that the doctor at the urgent care I went to last week said that he thought it was some chemical irritation from the job that I’m trying to work right now. She took a look at my throat, ears, and listened to my lungs. I mentioned that for the last few days that I had a slight fever as well. She then asked if I had traveled outside the country in the last 30 days OR if I had been exposed to the Coronavirus. I told her that I have not traveled, and that to my knowledge I had not been exposed. I do not meet requirements for testing at this time, as the chances of having anything is low. I’m not sure how I feel about this, as I’m afraid of what to think if I actually did end up having exposure.

She did prescribe a round of antibiotics as she felt that there was a risk of infection due to the fever. She also prescribed me an inhaler in hopes that it would make breathing hurt less. And I had to get X-Rays done. I’m waiting for the results. As of right now it just really hurts to breath even with the inhaler, and my throat feels like its scraped raw, as if I’ve been screaming for hours.

I’m nervous because I can’t afford to miss another day of work. The rent needs to be paid, and if I can’t it affects my roommate too, this is not a just me issue. My car payments due, I’ve already paid half so that’s okay. But we also need to go grocery shopping, I’ve got collection bills that need to be paid, and I have medical bills that are coming in. Medicare only covers 80% and I’m responsible for the rest until I hear back from DHHS on if I can get assistance. I’m also needing to pay my Medicare premium as well. The medications today cost $20 that ended up having to come from the food money that I had managed to get from a friend.

I’m hoping to get the results of the X-Ray tomorrow which will hopefully let us know if there is anything in my lungs that we need to worry about. I’ll post another update then once I know more.

So much time on my hands

It feels like nothing is getting done, even though I’ve got so much time right now. Granted, I have so much time because I’m still sick. I’m starting to wonder if it’s my body having a breakdown for my brain. If that makes any sense.

I have a list of things I want to get done but I just don’t have the energy to do any of it. Granted I’ve also been wicked sick for the last two weeks, so I do need to forgive myself a little for that.

I’m working again, well, sort of. I had to leave the job I had because I was unable to really put down on paper when I was going to show up. I took a job that’s overnights on the weekends but so far I’ve only made it to four of the six shifts. For about a week now I’ve had a slight fever and I’m not why, but I’m not having a good time, and it was definitely a factor in me only working two out of three days last weekend. I need money so badly at this point, if I can’t work next weekend through, I’m honestly not sure what happens next.

I went to the food pantry and got some groceries, and a friend gave me some money so I was able to get some groceries. But bills still have to be paid. Rent needs to be paid. And I’m just losing my mind with anxiety.

I applied for SNAP Benefits (used to be Food Stamps), and was approved for a month back in February but I still have not received the benefits for that month. I make all my meals for the most part and not being able to afford food means I don’t eat all three meals and three snacks I’m supposed to be eating. I make about one to two meals and MAYBE a snack OR two snacks a day. I discovered how to make allergy free protein balls so that is a bit exciting. I do need to look for more cheap snack ideas.

I feel I’m being pulled in so many directions and that I’m so busy, but all I do is sleep half the day, then run around trying to get everything done before I try to take a nap again. I’m sure doing all this while not feeling well is keeping me unwell. But I have no idea what else to do about it.

My body hates me

As of today, I haven’t worked more than a few days a week in about a month. This means that I also haven’t gotten a full paycheck in about a month. Being single and without support, this is scary. I have an appointment to see if I can get emergency food stamps but I’m afraid they’re going to say no. Also they won’t be able to cover things like the OTC allergy meds I need, or the insulin that I’m buying OTC at Walmart because I’m having issues finding a new Endocrinologist and I’m out of Lantus. Which my Medicare will cover most of if I can get a script called in.

My symptoms started with nausea. I got hit like it was a brick wall while trying to work over time on a Saturday morning. I also had a real bad headache. This continued with the nausea for days. It was then coupled with some gut pain. I ended up going to urgent care and my doctor every few days for two weeks. In that time I also received 3 fluid treatments.

I spend most of my time tired. If I drive the hour to work I find I’m sick before I get there. My intestines are either blocked or not moving. The doctors aren’t really sure. I don’t have a gastro appointment until the end of March. The problem also is that even though I’m in the same hospital system I see so many people I don’t really know what’s what.

And my brain injury makes it worse.

So it’s been fun times. I’ll post more about what’s going on later. I’m getting tired and I can only do screens a little at a time right now.

Kitty

Presley is settling in nicely. He’s become a very big boy in the past two months. When we took him to the vets about six weeks ago, he had fleas.mites, and runny poos. He had some parasites and stuff. We gave him meds, and fed him. He’s grown at least twice the size he was when he came to live with us, and is still growing.

My other kitty, Miss Murder Cat, is slowly adjusting to life with her little brother. She is slowly accepting this fluffball that is trying so hard to play with her. He also tries to cuddle up with her. She is tolerating this right now.

Presley has now been properly vetted, has been neutered and has one more vaccine booster to go. As of right now his favorite activities include driving his Mama and his cat sister crazy. He loves making mischief, and cuddles.

He is enjoying Christmas with all the wrapping paper, he seems to think he’s helping wrap everything. He also got some presents already and is running around with all the jingle balls he’s gotten so far. I think he’ll be very excited to see what Santa brings him!

It’s snowing… and I’m not that excited

It’s almost 3 am and I just woke up. Mostly because I feel asleep sometime around 6 pm. But now I’m wide awake and it’s snowing out, and I have to drive almost 40 miles to work in a few hours. I’m not looking forward to this. I am, however, looking forward to being in the office. I do miss my coworkers. I wouldn’t mind having a set up where I work from home some days and other days worked from the office. That would be an idea set up.

I’m very anxious to be driving in the snow. It already takes me almost an hour to get to work on a good day. And I’m not sure how long this will take me today. I really don’t want to attempt it but I do need to get to the office. I just hope that I make it okay. I’m also not really looking forward to coming home tonight or having to go back tomorrow morning. I’m hoping it won’t be so bad.

Anyway, I promise cat updates soon. I think I have it just about finished but want to add in some photos for everyone.

This, That, and Other Things

I think I’ve missed a few weeks in updating. I’m sorry.

Things that are stressing me out right now:

– The fact that I may not be able to work my job

-The brakes in my car are not working right so I can’t drive.

-The car needs more repairs and I can’t afford them

-Money

-My health

-Food

—

My car is not safe to drive, and my job is an hour drive away. So that is a problem. My boss is super amazing and was able to put together a way for me to work from home. Kind of a save up money and get that car fixed when you can sort of thing. But then I get a letter from HR and a contract. They contract me to two weeks. Yay. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the end of this next week. There is no way my car will be safe to drive by then.

So.

Yeah.

I’m freaking out.

The car just needs to have the brakes figured out, new tires, and a new lower control arm. I just don’t have the funds for it. At all.

I don’t know how to make up $600 in a week.

—

My health is just as bad right now. I’m in pain 24/7. But because I don’t have a working car right now, and my work schedule, I can’t get to the doctors I need to see to correct the problem. The best I can do is a Saturday appointment but I need to have a way to get to the appointment. And the next available one is like three weeks away.

—

The whole food thing is stressing me out, not so much due to lack of it, but more of not having enough energy to do what I want with it. I’m so tired even working from home that I just can’t do anything.

This also includes cleaning and trying to find rides so I can run errands. I don’t have the $30 a trip one way to go to the grocery store and I only really have cash for spending so getting things delivered is out of the question. And walking is kind of out of the question. My body barely allows me to go up and down the stairs on a good day.

I’m looking for some more vegetarian ideas to make as well. I want food that feels good after it’s eaten. And that has a lot of nutrition.

—

I feel like I’m just running in circles. I know I need to relax a little but it feels like it never stops. And I just want to sleep.

Anyway…. That’s all for now. I’ll write a kitten update soon.

We Don’t Talk About That

Disclaimer: My sister wrote this book. And no, I’m not being paid to write this.

My sister, Emi Sano, published her first novella the other day. I being the good Big Sister that I am, preordered the book off of Amazon. You can find it here. If there’s any question to if we are related, my name is in the back of the book. I think I’m most excited about that.

Anyway.

I read multiple iterations of this as she was writing it. Did a lot of fact checking but also a lot of it came from my personal experiences with mental illness, and my experience as my long term best buddy forever’s experience with mental illness. I gave her details of what anti-psychotics feel like, and also pointed her towards resources for the technical stuff.

Now to the story: Kevin is the oldest sibling in an Asian American family, he and his sister are first generations and they are trying to navigate school and life while walking a line between two cultures. Their parents are trying to present the image of the perfect family, with stereotypically perfect Asian children. The problem is, that Kevin develops schizophrenia. The parents insistence that there is nothing “wrong” with their child ultimately leads to him committing suicide.

And that’s really where the young sibling, Molly’s, story begins.

As Kevin lays in a hospital bed, Molly begins to see her family as it really is. She begins to see how her parents withdrew love from her brother for being sick. She learns of his secrets – friends, books, music.

What I love most about this book is that it highlights the struggle that can happen within families that are both trying to keep the culture of where they came from, and where they are now. It also highlights the importance of mental illness and how kind of “writing it off” can have catastrophic results.

Give it a read. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

We Don’t Talk About That by Emi Sano.

Burnout

So I made myself sick trying to make some extra money by working overtime the last few weeks. And it feels horrible that I can’t help make my situation better by working more to solve my problem. As of right now I’m about $300 short every month in my budget. And it comes down to it being the money budgeted for gas to get to work, tolls, and food/groceries. None of my bills are negotiable because I had to set up all the payment plans while doing my interview for security clearance for my job.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep myself awake. I’m in horrible pain as well. A muscle issue that I have where my muscles cramp and hold the cramps for up to 30 minutes was triggered by the exhaustion and its been rough. I did go to the doctor for that and they, as usual suggested my magnesium and sodium might be low, but as usual the blood work came back normal. I’ve also had this sinus infection from the air conditioning at work since I started there. So my body is on overdrive at the moment.

I also got hit with the seasonal depression like a ton of bricks. I still don’t have access to antidepressants and not having a therapist or someone that I can talk to makes it worse. But the new kitten is making it at least so that I can get out of bed in the morning. Both cats are doing well right now.

I’m trying to figure out what I want to cook for the kids and myself for the week, but I just can’t even summon the drive to make meals for myself. I’ve eaten once in the past 48 hrs. So I don’t know. My girlie did ask for fudge, and I think that would be fun to make so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. It might be a nice fall thing to do.

I will probably see if I can get a deal on tomatoes somewhere. There was a request for more sauce and well, that is something I like making so, more sauce.