STAY HOME PEOPLE

I am considered high risk.

Not only do I diabetes, a liver condition, and now what looks like chronic asthma, but I can’t get into the doctor’s office right now because all non emergency appointments are canceled. I can’t breathe without using the inhaler given to me at least three times a day. I should stay at home. But I don’t have an income as of right now. And there is no saying when I’ll have one.

I don’t have any real material written up yet. And I don’t have a real base yet of readers, so I don’t feel like I have much to offer right now in trying to make money from written content. Because of this I’ve been doing some grocery delivery for money.

PEOPLE

STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK.

AND WASH YOUR PRODUCE.

I’ve seen sick people coughing all over your cucumbers. One lady came up behind me coughing and damn near coughed on me! She was definitely coughing all over the produce she was looking at.

STAY HOME.

Get your groceries delivered. Call someone to bring them to you. Healthy people, offer to get your neighbors their groceries. So that if they are sick they can stay home and not make other people sick.

So much time on my hands

It feels like nothing is getting done, even though I’ve got so much time right now. Granted, I have so much time because I’m still sick. I’m starting to wonder if it’s my body having a breakdown for my brain. If that makes any sense.

I have a list of things I want to get done but I just don’t have the energy to do any of it. Granted I’ve also been wicked sick for the last two weeks, so I do need to forgive myself a little for that.

I’m working again, well, sort of. I had to leave the job I had because I was unable to really put down on paper when I was going to show up. I took a job that’s overnights on the weekends but so far I’ve only made it to four of the six shifts. For about a week now I’ve had a slight fever and I’m not why, but I’m not having a good time, and it was definitely a factor in me only working two out of three days last weekend. I need money so badly at this point, if I can’t work next weekend through, I’m honestly not sure what happens next.

I went to the food pantry and got some groceries, and a friend gave me some money so I was able to get some groceries. But bills still have to be paid. Rent needs to be paid. And I’m just losing my mind with anxiety.

I applied for SNAP Benefits (used to be Food Stamps), and was approved for a month back in February but I still have not received the benefits for that month. I make all my meals for the most part and not being able to afford food means I don’t eat all three meals and three snacks I’m supposed to be eating. I make about one to two meals and MAYBE a snack OR two snacks a day. I discovered how to make allergy free protein balls so that is a bit exciting. I do need to look for more cheap snack ideas.

I feel I’m being pulled in so many directions and that I’m so busy, but all I do is sleep half the day, then run around trying to get everything done before I try to take a nap again. I’m sure doing all this while not feeling well is keeping me unwell. But I have no idea what else to do about it.

My body hates me

As of today, I haven’t worked more than a few days a week in about a month. This means that I also haven’t gotten a full paycheck in about a month. Being single and without support, this is scary. I have an appointment to see if I can get emergency food stamps but I’m afraid they’re going to say no. Also they won’t be able to cover things like the OTC allergy meds I need, or the insulin that I’m buying OTC at Walmart because I’m having issues finding a new Endocrinologist and I’m out of Lantus. Which my Medicare will cover most of if I can get a script called in.

My symptoms started with nausea. I got hit like it was a brick wall while trying to work over time on a Saturday morning. I also had a real bad headache. This continued with the nausea for days. It was then coupled with some gut pain. I ended up going to urgent care and my doctor every few days for two weeks. In that time I also received 3 fluid treatments.

I spend most of my time tired. If I drive the hour to work I find I’m sick before I get there. My intestines are either blocked or not moving. The doctors aren’t really sure. I don’t have a gastro appointment until the end of March. The problem also is that even though I’m in the same hospital system I see so many people I don’t really know what’s what.

And my brain injury makes it worse.

So it’s been fun times. I’ll post more about what’s going on later. I’m getting tired and I can only do screens a little at a time right now.

It’s snowing… and I’m not that excited

It’s almost 3 am and I just woke up. Mostly because I feel asleep sometime around 6 pm. But now I’m wide awake and it’s snowing out, and I have to drive almost 40 miles to work in a few hours. I’m not looking forward to this. I am, however, looking forward to being in the office. I do miss my coworkers. I wouldn’t mind having a set up where I work from home some days and other days worked from the office. That would be an idea set up.

I’m very anxious to be driving in the snow. It already takes me almost an hour to get to work on a good day. And I’m not sure how long this will take me today. I really don’t want to attempt it but I do need to get to the office. I just hope that I make it okay. I’m also not really looking forward to coming home tonight or having to go back tomorrow morning. I’m hoping it won’t be so bad.

Anyway, I promise cat updates soon. I think I have it just about finished but want to add in some photos for everyone.

This, That, and Other Things

I think I’ve missed a few weeks in updating. I’m sorry.

Things that are stressing me out right now:

– The fact that I may not be able to work my job

-The brakes in my car are not working right so I can’t drive.

-The car needs more repairs and I can’t afford them

-Money

-My health

-Food

—

My car is not safe to drive, and my job is an hour drive away. So that is a problem. My boss is super amazing and was able to put together a way for me to work from home. Kind of a save up money and get that car fixed when you can sort of thing. But then I get a letter from HR and a contract. They contract me to two weeks. Yay. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the end of this next week. There is no way my car will be safe to drive by then.

So.

Yeah.

I’m freaking out.

The car just needs to have the brakes figured out, new tires, and a new lower control arm. I just don’t have the funds for it. At all.

I don’t know how to make up $600 in a week.

—

My health is just as bad right now. I’m in pain 24/7. But because I don’t have a working car right now, and my work schedule, I can’t get to the doctors I need to see to correct the problem. The best I can do is a Saturday appointment but I need to have a way to get to the appointment. And the next available one is like three weeks away.

—

The whole food thing is stressing me out, not so much due to lack of it, but more of not having enough energy to do what I want with it. I’m so tired even working from home that I just can’t do anything.

This also includes cleaning and trying to find rides so I can run errands. I don’t have the $30 a trip one way to go to the grocery store and I only really have cash for spending so getting things delivered is out of the question. And walking is kind of out of the question. My body barely allows me to go up and down the stairs on a good day.

I’m looking for some more vegetarian ideas to make as well. I want food that feels good after it’s eaten. And that has a lot of nutrition.

—

I feel like I’m just running in circles. I know I need to relax a little but it feels like it never stops. And I just want to sleep.

Anyway…. That’s all for now. I’ll write a kitten update soon.

Burnout

So I made myself sick trying to make some extra money by working overtime the last few weeks. And it feels horrible that I can’t help make my situation better by working more to solve my problem. As of right now I’m about $300 short every month in my budget. And it comes down to it being the money budgeted for gas to get to work, tolls, and food/groceries. None of my bills are negotiable because I had to set up all the payment plans while doing my interview for security clearance for my job.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep myself awake. I’m in horrible pain as well. A muscle issue that I have where my muscles cramp and hold the cramps for up to 30 minutes was triggered by the exhaustion and its been rough. I did go to the doctor for that and they, as usual suggested my magnesium and sodium might be low, but as usual the blood work came back normal. I’ve also had this sinus infection from the air conditioning at work since I started there. So my body is on overdrive at the moment.

I also got hit with the seasonal depression like a ton of bricks. I still don’t have access to antidepressants and not having a therapist or someone that I can talk to makes it worse. But the new kitten is making it at least so that I can get out of bed in the morning. Both cats are doing well right now.

I’m trying to figure out what I want to cook for the kids and myself for the week, but I just can’t even summon the drive to make meals for myself. I’ve eaten once in the past 48 hrs. So I don’t know. My girlie did ask for fudge, and I think that would be fun to make so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. It might be a nice fall thing to do.

I will probably see if I can get a deal on tomatoes somewhere. There was a request for more sauce and well, that is something I like making so, more sauce.

Insomnia ramblings

Well. It’s not exactly insomnia. I ended up sleeping most of the day so now I’m paying for that.

I tried to work some overtime today but my body would not stop hurting so I came back home and just slept it off. I wish I could find a good job like the one I have but have it either be closer to where I live or a work from home sort of deal. I’m not really doing good with the commute.

I have made some progress on the Village story I’m writing. Started on Part Two. I wish I had some more time to work on it. But writing feels so… it feels like I’m just going through the motions. Almost everything is feeling that way. I’m in the midst of a mental health episode that’s like wicked bad but it’s not really hurting anyone so I guess I’m okay with what’s going on.

Miss Murder Kitty is still pissed about the kitten. She’s peed on my bed again. I’ve given up on the bed and probably will just have to go without one. It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Miss Murder Kitty after she peed on my bed again.

Today I’m planning on making a pork loin in the slow cooker for me and the kids. I’m going to try to see if I can get some meat for stew as well. I only have like $10 left for the week so we’ll see.

I want to make a few other things as well but my brain is firmly set on clean mode which lets me know I’m having a manic episode. Which. Well. It’s fine. I’ll deal with it. I think I need to look into how much a cleaning person would cost. It would probably be good for me to be able to relax. I need to relax.

New Kitty and Lots of Laundry…

It’s Sunday again!

This week was busy with me working extra hours again at work. I think I need to find something to do on the side on the weekends so that I don’t have to do extra hours. It just really really tires me out. Something that I can do from home or something because I just don’t think I have the energy to go out and work a second job when I can barely do the first one.

Anyway, this week I brought home a new kitty. Miss Murder Kitty is not happy about this development and has let me know so by peeing on the bed – while I was laying in it. She’ll get over herself eventually. I hope. But I’m also so amused by how dramatic she is being. The kitten is a good boy though. He’s pressing his boundaries with her a little, but he is giving her space and is pretty much ignoring her. The dramatics are very much one sided.

Because Murder Kitty peed the bed, I had to do laundry. It took about three hours, but I managed to do the huge backlog of laundry I’d been putting off doing. I finished the five load but now have to fold and put away everything.

—

Yesterday my daughter and I went grocery shopping together. She got her own groceries but also we picked out a few things for me to make for prep meals. I’ve currently got meatballs in the slow cooker with grape jelly, ketchup, and bbq sauce. I’m going to make rice to go with it and that will be dinner.

She helped me prep my lunches for this week. I have little cups made that have salami and ham in them. I bought some string cheese to go with those. There is yogurt. Crackers. Also mini packs of cookies and chocolates. Mostly healthy. Mostly nutritious. Will make the day easier by having snacks handy. Right now I end the day by eating a few Sour Patch Kids to keep up my blood sugars before I drive home. Not the best.

—

I’ve only managed to write half a page this week. I know that I need to be easy on myself with this process but I wish I had more time to write. I was gone for over 14 hours a day this week and it just made for no time to do anything. I’m so tired. I’m hoping to get a little more written today but I’m not sure.

Well, that’s my update for now. Maybe will post some kitten pics later. I posted a few on my instagram. You can find me under @M_is_for_Mo.

Always busy it seems…

I spent most of my waking hours today driving around to stores to get what I needed to make my meals for this week. My daughter asked for some chili and we both wanted meatballs. I also decided to make some spaghetti sauce for the winter as well. My sauce is always different because I cook it based on what I have available to me, so sometimes it tastes better. Right now it’s too acidic so it may take longer to cook as I even out the flavor. I still have to cook up some chicken and veggies for us this week as well.

I worked some over time hours this week at my job and will be doing a lot more next week as well. The extra money is going towards my savings account that I’m trying to establish at a credit union, but they need all kinds of information from me just to be able to apply for the account. I’m hoping to have a good chunk saved up towards my $1,000 goal by the end of the month. Hopefully my body will cooperate. I’ve already missed a day due to being in so much pain I was near tears if I had to sit in one spot for more than five minutes.

Last week I wrote about a page and a half. This week I’m hoping to get a bit more done. I’m also hoping to work on some stuff for my Patreon. I’m always so tired, I think my chronic fatigue is kicking up and it’s so not a good time for it. I have a long list of things that need to be done. But I’m hoping to get at least 3 pages written this week. I really need to just sit down and write a bit while I’m on my breaks at lunch. I’m going to try to remember that this week.

I hope to have some writing to post for everyone soon. And I hope I have something more exciting to write about next week. Maybe I’ll post my meat ball recipe or something.

What’s on the Agenda for this week?

For the sake of getting back into a groove, here is what my week looks like this week:

Day job work:

This week I’m working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Doesn’t look bad, a nice short week for me. I took Thursday off to hang out with my girlie as it will be a rough day for her. And I totally forgot that I get most holidays off now. With pay!

Writing Goals:

One more blog post written.
Two pages in my Village story.
Possibly take a look at Lacey’s story again.

This weeks menu:

Roasted veggies with
- kielbasa
- chicken
- pasta?
Leftover frozen pizza
Spam sandwiches
For snacks
- chips and homemade dip
- pretzel crips
- yogurt

I do need to figure out a way to get in some light exercising, but I do a lot of cleaning so I think that counts. I’m leaning towards going to a more veggie based diet, which will be interesting because it seems my muscles twitch more when I eat less beef. I may have to make an exception there. The problem is that I’m allergic to nuts so I’m not sure how else to get protein. I’m open to ideas.

So I hope to have one more post up this week but honestly, trying to get things done is a struggle for me right now. I’ll hopefully have something new up soon!