How’s everyone doing?

Just as a quick update: my X-ray came back clear. My lungs still hurt real bad when I breath and my throat feels like it’s being stabbed when I talk. But it could be worse right?

I just wanted to check in with all of you who are following me. I hope you are all in good health and are taking care of yourselves so that you all stay healthy! Or at least your best version of healthy for all of you who are like me and have chronic health problems.

I’m doing okay. I’m sort of panicking as there still will be no income for a few more weeks but I’m trying to stay positive. I do want to let you all know that because of this, I’m going to try to ramp up my content for a little bit. Also, I have added a link to my Ko-fi page. It’s located on the right side of the screen under the Links! section. If you like what I post, and are able to do so, feel free to buy me a coffee.

What am I going to be doing more of?

-Writing

– Video blogging

-Photos on Instagram

I’ll be updating again soon! I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

Update on Throat and Lungs…

I went to the doctor’s today. I was lucky enough to be given an appointment with my actual doctor today so that was nice. She did talk to me first about getting my A1C’s down and to try to lower my blood sugars as she feels this is help me feel better and lower the chance of complications of everything that is going on. She says I should limit my carb intake. I tried to explain that most of my food comes from a food pantry right now, and it’s hard because everything that isn’t a meat or veg that is offered has a grain. And it’s for my household, so I can’t really say no to bread and pasta when my household eats it. I take as much veg and protein that they offer me, but it varies with visits. Plus I’m allergic to nuts and eggs. Hopefully I’ll be able to afford to get groceries soon so I can get more veg, fruit, and protein as it looks like that is what I need to be eating more of.

She then asked about what was going on with my throat and lungs. So I explained that the doctor at the urgent care I went to last week said that he thought it was some chemical irritation from the job that I’m trying to work right now. She took a look at my throat, ears, and listened to my lungs. I mentioned that for the last few days that I had a slight fever as well. She then asked if I had traveled outside the country in the last 30 days OR if I had been exposed to the Coronavirus. I told her that I have not traveled, and that to my knowledge I had not been exposed. I do not meet requirements for testing at this time, as the chances of having anything is low. I’m not sure how I feel about this, as I’m afraid of what to think if I actually did end up having exposure.

She did prescribe a round of antibiotics as she felt that there was a risk of infection due to the fever. She also prescribed me an inhaler in hopes that it would make breathing hurt less. And I had to get X-Rays done. I’m waiting for the results. As of right now it just really hurts to breath even with the inhaler, and my throat feels like its scraped raw, as if I’ve been screaming for hours.

I’m nervous because I can’t afford to miss another day of work. The rent needs to be paid, and if I can’t it affects my roommate too, this is not a just me issue. My car payments due, I’ve already paid half so that’s okay. But we also need to go grocery shopping, I’ve got collection bills that need to be paid, and I have medical bills that are coming in. Medicare only covers 80% and I’m responsible for the rest until I hear back from DHHS on if I can get assistance. I’m also needing to pay my Medicare premium as well. The medications today cost $20 that ended up having to come from the food money that I had managed to get from a friend.

I’m hoping to get the results of the X-Ray tomorrow which will hopefully let us know if there is anything in my lungs that we need to worry about. I’ll post another update then once I know more.

So much time on my hands

It feels like nothing is getting done, even though I’ve got so much time right now. Granted, I have so much time because I’m still sick. I’m starting to wonder if it’s my body having a breakdown for my brain. If that makes any sense.

I have a list of things I want to get done but I just don’t have the energy to do any of it. Granted I’ve also been wicked sick for the last two weeks, so I do need to forgive myself a little for that.

I’m working again, well, sort of. I had to leave the job I had because I was unable to really put down on paper when I was going to show up. I took a job that’s overnights on the weekends but so far I’ve only made it to four of the six shifts. For about a week now I’ve had a slight fever and I’m not why, but I’m not having a good time, and it was definitely a factor in me only working two out of three days last weekend. I need money so badly at this point, if I can’t work next weekend through, I’m honestly not sure what happens next.

I went to the food pantry and got some groceries, and a friend gave me some money so I was able to get some groceries. But bills still have to be paid. Rent needs to be paid. And I’m just losing my mind with anxiety.

I applied for SNAP Benefits (used to be Food Stamps), and was approved for a month back in February but I still have not received the benefits for that month. I make all my meals for the most part and not being able to afford food means I don’t eat all three meals and three snacks I’m supposed to be eating. I make about one to two meals and MAYBE a snack OR two snacks a day. I discovered how to make allergy free protein balls so that is a bit exciting. I do need to look for more cheap snack ideas.

I feel I’m being pulled in so many directions and that I’m so busy, but all I do is sleep half the day, then run around trying to get everything done before I try to take a nap again. I’m sure doing all this while not feeling well is keeping me unwell. But I have no idea what else to do about it.

My body hates me

As of today, I haven’t worked more than a few days a week in about a month. This means that I also haven’t gotten a full paycheck in about a month. Being single and without support, this is scary. I have an appointment to see if I can get emergency food stamps but I’m afraid they’re going to say no. Also they won’t be able to cover things like the OTC allergy meds I need, or the insulin that I’m buying OTC at Walmart because I’m having issues finding a new Endocrinologist and I’m out of Lantus. Which my Medicare will cover most of if I can get a script called in.

My symptoms started with nausea. I got hit like it was a brick wall while trying to work over time on a Saturday morning. I also had a real bad headache. This continued with the nausea for days. It was then coupled with some gut pain. I ended up going to urgent care and my doctor every few days for two weeks. In that time I also received 3 fluid treatments.

I spend most of my time tired. If I drive the hour to work I find I’m sick before I get there. My intestines are either blocked or not moving. The doctors aren’t really sure. I don’t have a gastro appointment until the end of March. The problem also is that even though I’m in the same hospital system I see so many people I don’t really know what’s what.

And my brain injury makes it worse.

So it’s been fun times. I’ll post more about what’s going on later. I’m getting tired and I can only do screens a little at a time right now.

Burnout

So I made myself sick trying to make some extra money by working overtime the last few weeks. And it feels horrible that I can’t help make my situation better by working more to solve my problem. As of right now I’m about $300 short every month in my budget. And it comes down to it being the money budgeted for gas to get to work, tolls, and food/groceries. None of my bills are negotiable because I had to set up all the payment plans while doing my interview for security clearance for my job.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep myself awake. I’m in horrible pain as well. A muscle issue that I have where my muscles cramp and hold the cramps for up to 30 minutes was triggered by the exhaustion and its been rough. I did go to the doctor for that and they, as usual suggested my magnesium and sodium might be low, but as usual the blood work came back normal. I’ve also had this sinus infection from the air conditioning at work since I started there. So my body is on overdrive at the moment.

I also got hit with the seasonal depression like a ton of bricks. I still don’t have access to antidepressants and not having a therapist or someone that I can talk to makes it worse. But the new kitten is making it at least so that I can get out of bed in the morning. Both cats are doing well right now.

I’m trying to figure out what I want to cook for the kids and myself for the week, but I just can’t even summon the drive to make meals for myself. I’ve eaten once in the past 48 hrs. So I don’t know. My girlie did ask for fudge, and I think that would be fun to make so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. It might be a nice fall thing to do.

I will probably see if I can get a deal on tomatoes somewhere. There was a request for more sauce and well, that is something I like making so, more sauce.

What’s on the Agenda for this week?

For the sake of getting back into a groove, here is what my week looks like this week:

Day job work:

This week I’m working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Doesn’t look bad, a nice short week for me. I took Thursday off to hang out with my girlie as it will be a rough day for her. And I totally forgot that I get most holidays off now. With pay!

Writing Goals:

One more blog post written.
Two pages in my Village story.
Possibly take a look at Lacey’s story again.

This weeks menu:

Roasted veggies with
- kielbasa
- chicken
- pasta?
Leftover frozen pizza
Spam sandwiches
For snacks
- chips and homemade dip
- pretzel crips
- yogurt

I do need to figure out a way to get in some light exercising, but I do a lot of cleaning so I think that counts. I’m leaning towards going to a more veggie based diet, which will be interesting because it seems my muscles twitch more when I eat less beef. I may have to make an exception there. The problem is that I’m allergic to nuts so I’m not sure how else to get protein. I’m open to ideas.

So I hope to have one more post up this week but honestly, trying to get things done is a struggle for me right now. I’ll hopefully have something new up soon!

Lots and lots and lots of stuff and things

I failed to keep up with regular updates again and I apologize. I really do wonder if my inability to follow through is linked to the bipolar and the TBI. I wish I had a doctor that I could ask about that but every time I try to get some answers the doctors are quick to push my concerns aside.

Anyway.

So I got a new job. I’m no longer in retail. The job does require a lot of training, and then I’ll be working as a Student Loan Associate. Basically I’ll counsel borrowers and help bring accounts current, but I’m not a debt collector. My commute is now an hour long, each way, but I think I’ll adjust to it quickly. I’m super excited to no longer be working late nights.

This job also means I’ll have a secondary insurance, so I’m hoping to get some mental health care finally. Also it should mean that I’m able to get ALL the medical care I need with minimal out of pocket costs.

Oh and the pay. It’s only about 70 cents more than I was making before BUT it’s a guaranteed 40 hour work week. Plus possibility of over time. Which is HUGE. Also I get paid holidays. I have today off to celebrate the Fourth Of July but I have nothing to do because all my friends are still working, and I don’t have any other friends really.

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Writing’s been slow and I’m trying to get back in the swing of doing it. Even with all this good news going on, I’ve been not well. WP thinks that there is a real good chance that I’m in a depressed episode. All I want to do is sleep. Or stare at walls. I’m so tired all the time. I just want to do something fun with people but I don’t even know what I want to do, so it’s pointless to ask anyone if they want to go do something.

I may have been slightly triggered by an event that affected my sister and her husband, but it’s not about me, and I’m trying to take that trigger and focus the energy elsewhere. She’s going to read this so I’m not saying what I’m doing! Ha!! They did also just buy a house so she’s going to get a double surprise!! Don’t worry Sis! I’m not coming down. Yet.

But the writing is harder to do lately, it feels like when I was on psych medication. I can’t think and it’s making me super antsy. I think I just need to go out and do things. My therapist used to tell me to make plans with friends. I’d always laugh at him when he suggested that.

I’ve kind of abandoned the serial I was writing, I’ve found something I like more until I hit the wall. Possibly will have more of one of them soon. I’m hoping at least.

—

I’ve been cooking up a storm so I’ll share some of what I’ve made in some posts later. I’ll have to remember to set them up.

I hope you all have a great day celebrating! I’ll talk to you all soon.

So tired…

Does anyone else deal with extreme fatigue all the time? It’s like no matter how much sleep I get, or how much I rest, or take vitamins, I feel like I’m tired all the time. Not always mentally, most of the time it feels like I’ve run a marathon or something.

I have no idea what is causing this. I wondered if it was due to my muscles constantly twitching and such, but the neurologist didn’t say much about this. He said that I probably have benign fasciculation syndrome but didn’t do much except write a letter to my GP and she has yet to address it.

My liver enzymes are also high due to the NASH, but again, I’m not sure if that is causing the fact that I’m tired. All the time.

I spend all my energy working, or doing other things that at the end of the day, or really a few hours after waking, I’m too exhausted to do anything that I want or like to do. I haven’t gotten a lot of writing done, nor have I been able to get my own personal errands done. It sucks.

If anyone has any ideas on how to combat this fatigue, I’d love to hear them. Just drop them in the comments!

It’s been a while….

It’s been a while since I posted. My day job got real busy and I did two weeks of working overnight doing a tool reset in the store. That kind of threw me off since I do most of my work here in the evenings.

I kind of stalled on Lacey’s story. I’m not sure where to go with it, my direction was clearly not going to work by the time I started to write the third installment. I’m not sure what to do about that.

On the other hand, I’ve been working nonstop on another idea. It’s coming together rather nicely I think.

I also started an Instagram account. It’s mostly just the food I eat/make, and my cat. If you’re interested, it’s @m_is_for_mo.

I will hopefully be updating again soon!

Relaxing

Today was supposed to be busy and filled with doing some independent contractor work. But it snowed pretty much all day. So that didn’t happen.

I spent the day playing with the cat, doing some work on my Facebook pages, and I took a bath. Now I’m watching 20/20 on Hulu and laying under my ‘fairy lights’. It’s been a good day. Work tomorrow, but for now just relaxing. S