Insomnia ramblings

Well. It’s not exactly insomnia. I ended up sleeping most of the day so now I’m paying for that.

I tried to work some overtime today but my body would not stop hurting so I came back home and just slept it off. I wish I could find a good job like the one I have but have it either be closer to where I live or a work from home sort of deal. I’m not really doing good with the commute.

I have made some progress on the Village story I’m writing. Started on Part Two. I wish I had some more time to work on it. But writing feels so… it feels like I’m just going through the motions. Almost everything is feeling that way. I’m in the midst of a mental health episode that’s like wicked bad but it’s not really hurting anyone so I guess I’m okay with what’s going on.

Miss Murder Kitty is still pissed about the kitten. She’s peed on my bed again. I’ve given up on the bed and probably will just have to go without one. It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Miss Murder Kitty after she peed on my bed again.

Today I’m planning on making a pork loin in the slow cooker for me and the kids. I’m going to try to see if I can get some meat for stew as well. I only have like $10 left for the week so we’ll see.

I want to make a few other things as well but my brain is firmly set on clean mode which lets me know I’m having a manic episode. Which. Well. It’s fine. I’ll deal with it. I think I need to look into how much a cleaning person would cost. It would probably be good for me to be able to relax. I need to relax.

Lots and lots and lots of stuff and things

I failed to keep up with regular updates again and I apologize. I really do wonder if my inability to follow through is linked to the bipolar and the TBI. I wish I had a doctor that I could ask about that but every time I try to get some answers the doctors are quick to push my concerns aside.

Anyway.

So I got a new job. I’m no longer in retail. The job does require a lot of training, and then I’ll be working as a Student Loan Associate. Basically I’ll counsel borrowers and help bring accounts current, but I’m not a debt collector. My commute is now an hour long, each way, but I think I’ll adjust to it quickly. I’m super excited to no longer be working late nights.

This job also means I’ll have a secondary insurance, so I’m hoping to get some mental health care finally. Also it should mean that I’m able to get ALL the medical care I need with minimal out of pocket costs.

Oh and the pay. It’s only about 70 cents more than I was making before BUT it’s a guaranteed 40 hour work week. Plus possibility of over time. Which is HUGE. Also I get paid holidays. I have today off to celebrate the Fourth Of July but I have nothing to do because all my friends are still working, and I don’t have any other friends really.

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Writing’s been slow and I’m trying to get back in the swing of doing it. Even with all this good news going on, I’ve been not well. WP thinks that there is a real good chance that I’m in a depressed episode. All I want to do is sleep. Or stare at walls. I’m so tired all the time. I just want to do something fun with people but I don’t even know what I want to do, so it’s pointless to ask anyone if they want to go do something.

I may have been slightly triggered by an event that affected my sister and her husband, but it’s not about me, and I’m trying to take that trigger and focus the energy elsewhere. She’s going to read this so I’m not saying what I’m doing! Ha!! They did also just buy a house so she’s going to get a double surprise!! Don’t worry Sis! I’m not coming down. Yet.

But the writing is harder to do lately, it feels like when I was on psych medication. I can’t think and it’s making me super antsy. I think I just need to go out and do things. My therapist used to tell me to make plans with friends. I’d always laugh at him when he suggested that.

I’ve kind of abandoned the serial I was writing, I’ve found something I like more until I hit the wall. Possibly will have more of one of them soon. I’m hoping at least.

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I’ve been cooking up a storm so I’ll share some of what I’ve made in some posts later. I’ll have to remember to set them up.

I hope you all have a great day celebrating! I’ll talk to you all soon.

Nervous excitement

The first part of my story is being released on my Patreon on March 1st and I’m very nervous. It’s kind of dumb to be since the only person that is at that tier for the story is my grandmother. And my gram would love it anyway, because my gram is very supportive.

I think I’ve shared my rough beginning of Lacey’s Story. I believe you can find it here. WP has read every draft of the first two parts that are written and has made many suggestions. Without actually hiring an editor, we feel that I am presenting the best draft of the story so far. But still I’m nervous…

Asking

The first part of Lacey’s Story is going to be released on March 1st on my Patreon campaign. I’m excite but nervous at the same time. I know that many people don’t know that I’ve been writing since I was in middle school, and a lot of people haven’t read what I’ve written before. And here I am, asking them to pay $5 a month, to read this story. The $1 tier gives you access to what I post for Patrons Only and $2 tiers get you access to the blog that I started that gives a peek behind the process of working on this story, details about the characters, and other ideas that are floating around pertaining to the story. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a graphic designer and I was decent at it, so I’m envisioning offering posters and such to go with this story in the future to my Patrons. (This would be WAY into the future)

My Patreon is my way of asking you for support. Without your support, I will not be able to have time to write Lacey’s Story, or any of my other writing projects, as I would be too busy working gig economy jobs in order to make ends meet. I work part time already, as stated previously, and since I cannot survive on part time work, I pick up other ways to make money. I’m at the point in my life that I’d like to be able to do something that I enjoy, but in order to do that, I need to get paid.

This money will go towards keeping me technology updated in order to produce better material. It will also go towards education and professional development. And eventually I’m hoping to be able to produce hard copies of this and other works that I’m working on. I also would like to be able to work with an editor on making these works as perfect as they can be. Also, part of the money would probably go towards groceries. As I like to eat but really can’t afford it. That’s another blog post.

And now you’re probably wondering why I linked Amanda Palmer’s TEDTalk to this post. Well, I look up to her. The reason why is that I love this talk is that she has a point, you don’t know who is willing to support you unless you ask. Support, is not just a financial thing either, sharing someone’s social media page is support, reading and ‘Liking’ is support. Support is just a way of saying “I believe in you.”

So. Lacey’s Story is starting on March 1. And I’m asking for your support in this project. Whether it be as a Patron, or if you share my page, or if you “Like” my author page or posts.

Thank you.

So much to write so little time…

I’m wicked happy that I finished the first part of Lacey’s Story. I just spent the last few hours talking with WP about it and bouncing some ideas. I got a lot to think about but the story line is solid, so now I’m just flushing out the details. I’d like to get a few parts written soon so that I’m ahead of the game.

I need to get a start on producing solid material for my and WP’s project. I’ve written about twenty-five pages and their contributions have made up to forty total pages. I hate being stagnant and I feel that is what has happened in the last few months. I love the characters and I think the new reworking of the story will have so much more to offer. I’m slowly adding pages to this one. I’m working blindly as WP has a lot of the information but is keeping it close to them as the FMC in the story isn’t supposed to know what is actually going on.

And then I’m working on a NSFW story with WP that revolves visiting family around the holidays with your maybe-sometimes-depends-on-the-day significant other. There’s some fun shenanigans going on in that one, and we just use it to blow off steam. I’ve added several pages onto that one recently as I’m so stressed out with everything.

I’m also looking to write some fresh shorts for all of you that follow this blog. I’m trying to write just these blog posts to keep the writing going. But I also want to be able to show off what I can do at the same time, if that makes any sense.

It’s bed time now. We’re apparently having a winter storm, but I haven’t looked outside yet. It’s going to be an early morning as I will have to move the car by 8:30 if we do get more than two inches of snow (predicted 3-5). Then doctor’s appointment at 11:30 (I thought this was earlier in the day) and I start my Instacart shift at noon. I might need to drop that last hour. I’m going to be exhausted. And it’s my only day off from my “real” job this week.

Patreon launched!!

So I launched my Patreon campaign last night. I’m wicked excited about this, as the $5 tier is receiving a new chapter of my story. I’m trying to write a serial and this is my first time doing it. So I’m hoping this ends up meeting expectations. It’s called Lacey’s Story and I had posted part of it previously.

I’m hoping to get pledges so that I’m having to sit down and write and produce, but also so that I can sit down, write, and produce without having to worry about how I could be using the time to make money to pay bills or buy food.

I also put together a Facebook Page to help promote myself. The whole thing seems very weird to me, but I really would like to be able to dedicate more time to writing and improving my work. Updates to this blog also appear there. Feel free to give me a “Like” if you wish to keep up with what I’m doing.

One Step at a Time

So I just created my author page on Facebook.

Yay!

I’m going to try to really get down and be serious about this whole being a writer thing. I have ideas, and it’s time I start getting them out there. One of the things I’d like to do is write serial stories. I’m going to post them on Patreon once I can figure out how to use that. That one will have to be an adult content page because of the nature of some of the things that I write.

This post is really just an experiment to see if I did it right and if this will now post an update on FB.

Big things are coming folks. I can feel it.

My Favorite Things…

No this isn’t about the song from the Sound of Music, nor its it an episode of Oprah. This is actually about what I like to do in my free time, and my hobbies are a bit odd, I guess.

Right now I’m working on my writing project, and for it I’m doing a bit of research. The genre that my project is in is… a bit of a mix. It’s one part science fiction, one part thriller, a little mystery and romance, and a tiny part political conspiracy. One of the things that I wanted was for there to be an event in certain areas of the world. But I wanted it to be believable so I started my web search.

I always start with a basic web search. Google is my best friend. I put in whatever my basic idea is. And then I start down the rabbit hole. I also like Wikipedia for ideas for where to gear my search. There is also usually resources at the bottom, and citations. I do still have limited access to student databases for scholarly searching but Google also has an Academic site that I use quite often.

My favorite subjects are international politics, quantum and theoretical science, military history and tactics, Rules of Engagement, and other things like that. I like poking into law as well. Not bad for a part time retail supervisor? Huh? I can understand statistics but I suck at doing the actual math behind it, but I get probability pretty well. Wish I could actually understand it well enough to pass the Prob and Stats course I’ve taken four times and still can’t pass.

I like to watch political thrillers, and read them as well. My favorite author to listen to (TBI fucked up my processing) is Brad Thor. His Scot Harvath series is my favorite and I’m always scoping out Good Will and Ocean State Job Lot to try to find audio books. I wish my stereo in my car still worked, because I liked listening to the audio while commuting.

I used to have a blog writing about music, and gigs, and new albums. But then I just couldn’t afford to do it anymore and that kind of makes me sad. I look at the blog from time to time, and I wish I could do it again. I suppose with there being so many music streaming sources now I could start to at least do album reviews again, but it’s been so long, that I think it might be better to just leave it.

Okay, this is getting quite long, so I think I’ll end this here.

Writing update…

WP and I have been hard at work finishing up the little side story to our book series. I had a moment panic with the timelines but that has straightened itself out and soon we will be back to the original story plot. I’m excited and will be talking to WP soon about maybe giving some details about our project on here. I’d like to post some teasers.

I spent last night and today doing first draft rewrites from the beginning as most of the story started from a role play and is in text messages back and forth to each other with no story structure except for dialogue and a hazy plot line. It’s starting to develop into something. Which is good, but there is so much information and I’m trying to decide what should stay in and what can come out. The introduction part that we sectioned was over 100 pages long when I went to print out the document. I was/am slightly overwhelmed.

I can’t wait to let others read this project. I really enjoy working on it, and I’d love for others to see how talented my WP is. This is the first time I’ve been excited working on something for a long time. I am hopeful.

Crosshairs

I wrote this about ten years ago. I have a piece that I’m working on that is based off of this original idea.

The point of the piece is the contrast of the colors black and white and the cultural significance of both colors being used for mourning depending on where you were in teh world.

Crosshairs (The Agony of the Color White) by M. Sano (October, 2008)

He was wearing white again, she thought as she let out a sigh. He only wore white when he had successfully completed a job. This meant that there was a family somewhere that was in mourning, it meant that he was in mourning too. Why he did the work he did, she would never know. He had other skills; killing was not the only thing he knew. She feared the day that he wouldn’t be able to get away when a mission went badly, when he wouldn’t come back. He knew of this fear, and he promised that she would stop soon. She had no choice but to believe him.

Continue reading “Crosshairs” →