STAY HOME PEOPLE

I am considered high risk.

Not only do I diabetes, a liver condition, and now what looks like chronic asthma, but I can’t get into the doctor’s office right now because all non emergency appointments are canceled. I can’t breathe without using the inhaler given to me at least three times a day. I should stay at home. But I don’t have an income as of right now. And there is no saying when I’ll have one.

I don’t have any real material written up yet. And I don’t have a real base yet of readers, so I don’t feel like I have much to offer right now in trying to make money from written content. Because of this I’ve been doing some grocery delivery for money.

PEOPLE

STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK.

AND WASH YOUR PRODUCE.

I’ve seen sick people coughing all over your cucumbers. One lady came up behind me coughing and damn near coughed on me! She was definitely coughing all over the produce she was looking at.

STAY HOME.

Get your groceries delivered. Call someone to bring them to you. Healthy people, offer to get your neighbors their groceries. So that if they are sick they can stay home and not make other people sick.

Update on Throat and Lungs…

I went to the doctor’s today. I was lucky enough to be given an appointment with my actual doctor today so that was nice. She did talk to me first about getting my A1C’s down and to try to lower my blood sugars as she feels this is help me feel better and lower the chance of complications of everything that is going on. She says I should limit my carb intake. I tried to explain that most of my food comes from a food pantry right now, and it’s hard because everything that isn’t a meat or veg that is offered has a grain. And it’s for my household, so I can’t really say no to bread and pasta when my household eats it. I take as much veg and protein that they offer me, but it varies with visits. Plus I’m allergic to nuts and eggs. Hopefully I’ll be able to afford to get groceries soon so I can get more veg, fruit, and protein as it looks like that is what I need to be eating more of.

She then asked about what was going on with my throat and lungs. So I explained that the doctor at the urgent care I went to last week said that he thought it was some chemical irritation from the job that I’m trying to work right now. She took a look at my throat, ears, and listened to my lungs. I mentioned that for the last few days that I had a slight fever as well. She then asked if I had traveled outside the country in the last 30 days OR if I had been exposed to the Coronavirus. I told her that I have not traveled, and that to my knowledge I had not been exposed. I do not meet requirements for testing at this time, as the chances of having anything is low. I’m not sure how I feel about this, as I’m afraid of what to think if I actually did end up having exposure.

She did prescribe a round of antibiotics as she felt that there was a risk of infection due to the fever. She also prescribed me an inhaler in hopes that it would make breathing hurt less. And I had to get X-Rays done. I’m waiting for the results. As of right now it just really hurts to breath even with the inhaler, and my throat feels like its scraped raw, as if I’ve been screaming for hours.

I’m nervous because I can’t afford to miss another day of work. The rent needs to be paid, and if I can’t it affects my roommate too, this is not a just me issue. My car payments due, I’ve already paid half so that’s okay. But we also need to go grocery shopping, I’ve got collection bills that need to be paid, and I have medical bills that are coming in. Medicare only covers 80% and I’m responsible for the rest until I hear back from DHHS on if I can get assistance. I’m also needing to pay my Medicare premium as well. The medications today cost $20 that ended up having to come from the food money that I had managed to get from a friend.

I’m hoping to get the results of the X-Ray tomorrow which will hopefully let us know if there is anything in my lungs that we need to worry about. I’ll post another update then once I know more.

So much time on my hands

It feels like nothing is getting done, even though I’ve got so much time right now. Granted, I have so much time because I’m still sick. I’m starting to wonder if it’s my body having a breakdown for my brain. If that makes any sense.

I have a list of things I want to get done but I just don’t have the energy to do any of it. Granted I’ve also been wicked sick for the last two weeks, so I do need to forgive myself a little for that.

I’m working again, well, sort of. I had to leave the job I had because I was unable to really put down on paper when I was going to show up. I took a job that’s overnights on the weekends but so far I’ve only made it to four of the six shifts. For about a week now I’ve had a slight fever and I’m not why, but I’m not having a good time, and it was definitely a factor in me only working two out of three days last weekend. I need money so badly at this point, if I can’t work next weekend through, I’m honestly not sure what happens next.

I went to the food pantry and got some groceries, and a friend gave me some money so I was able to get some groceries. But bills still have to be paid. Rent needs to be paid. And I’m just losing my mind with anxiety.

I applied for SNAP Benefits (used to be Food Stamps), and was approved for a month back in February but I still have not received the benefits for that month. I make all my meals for the most part and not being able to afford food means I don’t eat all three meals and three snacks I’m supposed to be eating. I make about one to two meals and MAYBE a snack OR two snacks a day. I discovered how to make allergy free protein balls so that is a bit exciting. I do need to look for more cheap snack ideas.

I feel I’m being pulled in so many directions and that I’m so busy, but all I do is sleep half the day, then run around trying to get everything done before I try to take a nap again. I’m sure doing all this while not feeling well is keeping me unwell. But I have no idea what else to do about it.

My body hates me

As of today, I haven’t worked more than a few days a week in about a month. This means that I also haven’t gotten a full paycheck in about a month. Being single and without support, this is scary. I have an appointment to see if I can get emergency food stamps but I’m afraid they’re going to say no. Also they won’t be able to cover things like the OTC allergy meds I need, or the insulin that I’m buying OTC at Walmart because I’m having issues finding a new Endocrinologist and I’m out of Lantus. Which my Medicare will cover most of if I can get a script called in.

My symptoms started with nausea. I got hit like it was a brick wall while trying to work over time on a Saturday morning. I also had a real bad headache. This continued with the nausea for days. It was then coupled with some gut pain. I ended up going to urgent care and my doctor every few days for two weeks. In that time I also received 3 fluid treatments.

I spend most of my time tired. If I drive the hour to work I find I’m sick before I get there. My intestines are either blocked or not moving. The doctors aren’t really sure. I don’t have a gastro appointment until the end of March. The problem also is that even though I’m in the same hospital system I see so many people I don’t really know what’s what.

And my brain injury makes it worse.

So it’s been fun times. I’ll post more about what’s going on later. I’m getting tired and I can only do screens a little at a time right now.

This, That, and Other Things

I think I’ve missed a few weeks in updating. I’m sorry.

Things that are stressing me out right now:

– The fact that I may not be able to work my job

-The brakes in my car are not working right so I can’t drive.

-The car needs more repairs and I can’t afford them

-Money

-My health

-Food

—

My car is not safe to drive, and my job is an hour drive away. So that is a problem. My boss is super amazing and was able to put together a way for me to work from home. Kind of a save up money and get that car fixed when you can sort of thing. But then I get a letter from HR and a contract. They contract me to two weeks. Yay. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the end of this next week. There is no way my car will be safe to drive by then.

So.

Yeah.

I’m freaking out.

The car just needs to have the brakes figured out, new tires, and a new lower control arm. I just don’t have the funds for it. At all.

I don’t know how to make up $600 in a week.

—

My health is just as bad right now. I’m in pain 24/7. But because I don’t have a working car right now, and my work schedule, I can’t get to the doctors I need to see to correct the problem. The best I can do is a Saturday appointment but I need to have a way to get to the appointment. And the next available one is like three weeks away.

—

The whole food thing is stressing me out, not so much due to lack of it, but more of not having enough energy to do what I want with it. I’m so tired even working from home that I just can’t do anything.

This also includes cleaning and trying to find rides so I can run errands. I don’t have the $30 a trip one way to go to the grocery store and I only really have cash for spending so getting things delivered is out of the question. And walking is kind of out of the question. My body barely allows me to go up and down the stairs on a good day.

I’m looking for some more vegetarian ideas to make as well. I want food that feels good after it’s eaten. And that has a lot of nutrition.

—

I feel like I’m just running in circles. I know I need to relax a little but it feels like it never stops. And I just want to sleep.

Anyway…. That’s all for now. I’ll write a kitten update soon.

Burnout

So I made myself sick trying to make some extra money by working overtime the last few weeks. And it feels horrible that I can’t help make my situation better by working more to solve my problem. As of right now I’m about $300 short every month in my budget. And it comes down to it being the money budgeted for gas to get to work, tolls, and food/groceries. None of my bills are negotiable because I had to set up all the payment plans while doing my interview for security clearance for my job.

I’m so tired, I can barely keep myself awake. I’m in horrible pain as well. A muscle issue that I have where my muscles cramp and hold the cramps for up to 30 minutes was triggered by the exhaustion and its been rough. I did go to the doctor for that and they, as usual suggested my magnesium and sodium might be low, but as usual the blood work came back normal. I’ve also had this sinus infection from the air conditioning at work since I started there. So my body is on overdrive at the moment.

I also got hit with the seasonal depression like a ton of bricks. I still don’t have access to antidepressants and not having a therapist or someone that I can talk to makes it worse. But the new kitten is making it at least so that I can get out of bed in the morning. Both cats are doing well right now.

I’m trying to figure out what I want to cook for the kids and myself for the week, but I just can’t even summon the drive to make meals for myself. I’ve eaten once in the past 48 hrs. So I don’t know. My girlie did ask for fudge, and I think that would be fun to make so I’ll probably do that tomorrow. It might be a nice fall thing to do.

I will probably see if I can get a deal on tomatoes somewhere. There was a request for more sauce and well, that is something I like making so, more sauce.

Stew

I made a stew for dinner as I’ve been cutting back on eating to save money. After two weeks of this, I was so hungry I was getting angry and irritable. And my muscles were starting to twitch from lack of red meat. So I took some money and decided stew would probably provide the most servings that I’d eat more than once.

I had read somewhere about using tomato paste in stew. Also to thicken with corn starch. I used veg brought from my local farm stand and the local butcher provided me with the beef. I also used sweet potatoes as they are healthier.

I usually use onion flakes instead of real onions. So today was a treat. I also seasoned with pepper, salt, paprika, and parsley. I used my slow cooker on high for three hours.

Final product. Filter curtesy of my Instagram.

It’s been so long since I’ve made a decent stew. So good. I’m freezing some for later. I’m so happy this came out good. What is something that you like to make?

Thoughts on Money and Things

In the past few months, I’ve filled out almost a hundred applications, I’ve gone to about ten interviews and I’m still not getting anything. I’ve applied to full time positions in my store, but nothing. I’m sort of at the end of my rope.

I’m going to try to do some grocery delivery for InstaCart but I’m worried because the income may make me lose my benefits from the state and I do need a secondary insurance. Which is the most important part of getting a full time job.

I’m battling fatigue badly, which is also what worries me about doing this delivery work. I can barely keep my eyes open right now but I have hours scheduled from 5-7pm because that was what I could grab today. It’s after dark too. I can’t drive well then. Also grocery stores give me anxiety. Badly.

I don’t know what else to do at this time, because I can’t even afford my meds. I need to renew my insulin, my antidepressant, the fiber pills, and the pills that keep the food in my stomach and not in the toilet. There is no money for that. But if I make extra money, I’ll lose my food stamps and possibly the QMB that pays my Medicare premiums and such.

This worry is effecting my mood more and my ability to write.

I feel hopeless. And no another pill isn’t going to fix that.

Late Night Musings

So as you can tell, I did not go to bed, and Murder Kitty is currently wandering around my room, randomly biting me, and mewing that it’s bed time. Sometimes it amazes me how much her name fits her. She was originally supposed to be called Miss Kitty, but a friend said that it sounded like I had given up on life. I had, but I wasn’t going to admit that, so she became Miss Murder (From the AFI song… please say you’re old enough to know what I’m talking about … so many of the young folks I say this to give me a blank stare), and hey, she responds to it.

I’m trying to write a page or two since WP gave me some material and an idea to work with. And here I am writing, but not writing what I need to. My brain is just all out of sorts right now. I’m bothered by money issues, housing issues, bills, and dealing with my health.

Continue reading “Late Night Musings” →

Cottage Pie

I’m running low on fresh groceries and I don’t have any money even though it’s pay day. I barely made enough to cover rent, and there is not enough to cover my car payment. Or for my phone. Or to buy groceries. So I needed to think of something to make that would last a few days. My freezer does have a few packages of meats that I got on sale. This is what I decided to make with the ground turkey.

I have a Ninja Chopper, so I used it to mince up an onion, about 3 cloves of garlic, and carrots. I put that in the pan to start to cook while I defrosted the turkey. Which I added to mix and cooked up. I added salt, pepper, an Italian seasoning mix, and a little chili powder. Once it was cooked up, I drained and put into my small casserole dish. I added a cup of frozen peas and mixed that into it. A can of creamed corn was layered on top.

I made the instant mashed potatoes according to the package and layered them on top. Topped that with salt, pepper, and paprika. I let it bake for 15 minutes, took it out, and sprinkled shredded cheese on top. This one I used was a cheddar and Swiss mixture. I let that go back in the oven for 5 minutes and then took it out. Served with a side of salad.

This should be enough for a few dinners/lunches for work. I’m hoping it should last me until Christmas. I have frozen burritos that I made and froze last week for variety. I do need to think of some thing quick and easy for breakfasts.

I hope you enjoyed this peek into how I feed myself on about $100 a month.